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Spartanburg Soup Kitchen Turns Away Atheist Volunteers

The Spartanburg Soup Kitchen in Upstate South Carolina has a clear message for atheists: ‘we don’t want help from the devil, and that means you.’

The Spartanburg Herald-Journal reports the freethought group Upstate Atheists wanted to volunteer at the Spartanburg Soup Kitchen, which claims to “serve the poor and homeless of our community by sharing the love of God and giving them food for their bodies, kindness for their souls and hope for the future.”

“I told them we wouldn’t wear our T-shirts, we wouldn’t tell anyone who we are with,” Upstate Atheist president Eve Brannon told the Herald-Journal. “We just want to help out. And they told us that we were not allowed.”

But “kindness for souls” apparently does not extend to the kind-souled (figuratively speaking, of course) folks who were willing to volunteer their time and work alongside Christians in order to provide charity to their neighbors in need– you know, the sort of thing Jesus would do.

Spartanburg Soup Kitchen executive director Lou Landrum does not deny turning away the would-be volunteers. Landrum told the Herald-Journal that allowing the godless to serve the needy would be a “disservice to the community” and that she’d rather resign than let atheists volunteer– ‘heaven’ forbid!

“This is a ministry to serve God,” Landrum explained, baffling those who thought it was a soup kitchen to serve hungry people who actually exist. “Do they (atheists) really think that our guests are so ignorant that they don’t know what an atheist is?”

Assuming that their guests can’t identity the atheists by the horns on their heads, and assuming they care more about charity workers’ religious affiliations than they do about the grumbling in their bellies, then maybe Landrum’s right.

Landrum said the godless givers, who have partnered with Christian groups before for the common good, could go somewhere else if they wanted to help feed people.

“They can set up across the street from the soup kitchen,” she told the Herald-Journal. “They can have the devil there with them, but they better not come across the street.”

And that’s just what Upstate Atheists did, although no word on whether said ‘devil’ cooked up some of his hellishly delicious deviled eggs. What the 300 care packages did contain were socks, gloves, toothpaste, toothbrushes, combs, soap, rain ponchos, snacks, shaving razors, antiseptic wipes, deodorant, tissues, chewing gum and Bibles.

Just kidding about the Bibles. Upstate Atheists only distributed items that would actually be of some use to the down-and-out Upstaters as winter fast approaches, although the all-time fiction bestseller might come in handy to fuel a bonfire or, in a pinch, as paper to wipe their asses with.

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One Comment

  1. I, JOctober 27, 2013 at 11:19 amReply

    “Funny how you don’t see organized groups of secular humanists giving out hot meals.” – Joe Klein, June 2013

    Apparently, it’s because they’re not allowed.

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