Moral Low Ground


Only in America: Scottsdale Gun Club’s ‘Santa and Machine Guns’ is a BLAST for the Whole Family

If the godless commie fag-loving liberals that read this site are, as we are so often accused, waging a “war on Christmas,” it looks like Christmas ain’t gonna take it anymore! Behold, Santa’s arsenal of Yuletide destruction!

Screw sitting on St. Nick’s lap. That’s for pussies. For ten bucks, you and your little ones can pose with Father Christmas while holding the mother of all guns. No kidding: the Scottsdale Gun Club in Scottsdale, Arizona (surprised?) has got everything from your garden variety automatic pistols and hunting rifles to full-on weapons of war that some countries don’t even have… Garwood M134 helicopter-mounted Gatling gun, anyone? I’m assuming that Santa mounts that one on his sleigh to deal with any terrorist threats from Muslims on flying carpets or domestic enemies like the ACLU. Effective as hell; scares the shit out of the reindeer, though.

The $10 also buys you the chance to fire off one of these monsters, because nothing quite says “Merry Christmas” like a blizzard of hot lead.

“I thinks it’s going to be all in fun from those who support the second amendment and those who don’t. Whether you’re a gun advocate or not, you should have a lot of fun with it,” Scottsdale Gun Club member Richard Jones told Fox 10 Phoenix.

Yep, being around weapons of war is a real blast– unless you’re on the receiving end of them, in which case they’re a real… blast. But I doubt the dads (and moms) who bring their kids to “Santa and Machine Guns” will teach them the obvious: that the only purpose of a Garwood minigun is to tear human beings– including pregnant women and little children just like themselves (but brown, so its okay)– to shreds with great ease and rapidity. You’re not gonna be hunting javelina with this baby.

If you didn’t know that Arizona Santa’s packin’ heat, you’ve obviously never been to the Grand Canyon State. They love their firepower out there. You can even bring a loaded gun into a bar. Really. Yes, Arizonans love their guns nearly as much as they love their Jesus. No, not Jesús– he can take a hike, and preferably in a southerly direction– Jesus. As in Jesus Christ, that’s a big fucking gun little Timmy is holding. Is that a grenade launcher attached to it? And speaking of Jesus, the fact that Christmas is supposed to be a celebration of the birth of the Prince of Peace seems to have been lost on the good folks at the Scottsdale Gun Club. Or maybe not. When I was an ignorant young conservative, I used to have a bumper sticker on my (American) car that read: PEACE THROUGH SUPERIOR FIREPOWER. Now there’s an idea whose time has come… and gone.

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