Moral Low Ground

Our Earth

Deadly Giant Erection-Causing Brazilian Wandering Spider Wanders Into German Supermarket

July 11, 2011 by Brett Wilkins in Animal Kingdom, Europe with 0 Comments

A German supermarket was evacuated Friday after an employee sighted a deadly spider leaping from a crate of bananas.

According to Der Spiegel, a Brazilian Wandering Spider, one of the world’s deadliest, lived up to its name by hitching a ride halfway around the world. The arachnid was spotted by an alert worker at a Bexbach grocery store as he was unloading the crate in which the creature had stowed away. He quickly searched the internet and identified the “illegal immigrant” as Phoneutria nigriventer, a hairy five-inch killer that is not only one of the deadliest but also one of the most aggressive spiders on the planet.

A bite from a Brazilian Wandering Spider causes severe pain, breathing problems, paralysis and possibly even death. Oh, and it also causes long-lasting and painful erections, a medical condition known as priapism which you may be familiar with from Viagra commercials urging users to “seek immediate medical attention for erections lasting longer than four hours.”

The Brazilian Wandering Spider is also insanely aggressive; it will stand on its hind legs and challenge anything that threatens it, regardless of size.

The presence of such a fearful creature in a German supermarket caused exactly the kind of panic you would imagine, with the store being evacuated and police and spider experts searching the store for the deadly stowaway. They found nothing, and so they resorted to the timeless tactic employed by humans whenever they feel threatened… they attempted to kill the poor thing. The entire store was sprayed with poison. It is due to re-open today, although there are no guarantees that the spider is dead or that it hasn’t escaped into the streets of Bexbach.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Posts

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

Douche Du Jour
  • GOP Congressman Robert Pittenger Says Charlotte Protesters ‘Hate White People Because They’re Successful’
  • Israel Nominates Col. Eyal Karim, Who Endorsed Rape of Non-Jews to ‘Boost Troop Morale,’ for Chief Military Rabbi
  • The Hateful 8: Anti-Gay Christian Leaders Praise Orlando Massacre
  • Koch Brother’s Youth Education Program Teaches ‘Sacrificing Lives for Profits’
  • Tracy Murphree, GOP Texas Sheriff Candidate, Threatens to Beat Transgender Women Unconscious
Archives