Shaun Fawster, Homeless Maine Man, Arrested for Charging his Cellphones in Outdoor Electrical Outlet
They say that if you kill one man, you’re a murderer, but if you kill a million men, you’re a conquerer. Bend that theme a bit and you’ll see the titans of Wall Street, who swindled their way to unimaginable riches by destroying the jobs and savings of millions of Americans, reaping record profits as the rest of us languish in the rut of recession. Criminal, isn’t it?
Well, folks, the crimes of the Wall Street banksters positively pale in comparison to the grotesque offense committed by one Shaun Fawster, a transient man in Maine who was hauled off to jail where he belongs for his brazen act of theft. What did Mr. Fawster steal, you ask? It turns out he plugged two of his cell phones into an outdoor electrical outlet so they could charge.
Now it’s Mr. Fawster who’s being charged.
According to the Bangor Daily News, a Bangor police officer caught Mr. Fawster in the act and was fortunately able to apprehend him before he could complete his shocking heist of public power. If you want electricity in Bangor, you’d damn well better pay for it like everyone else. That’s the message Bangor authorities are no doubt keen to send. That, and by not having a roof over his poor, pathetic head, Mr. Fawster was committing two crimes. For nothing is more criminal than poverty– unless that impoverishment is caused by the malfeasance of the maliciously marauding market forces of hypercapitalism, of course.
Bangor Police Lieutenant Jeff Millard told the Daily News that Mr. Fawster, who is just 23 years old, was charged with theft of services and carrying a concealed weapon– a folding knife he would be insane to live the life of a transient without. He was locked up in the Penobscot County Jail before being released on bail.
I wish Mr. Fawster the very best of luck as he prepares for his date with the not-so-blind Lady of Justice. I hope the best lawyers Maine has to offer will rush to his defense and earn their pro bono badges. Because if there’s one thing that life in this country has taught me, and I’m sure Mr. Fawster is painfully aware of this too, it’s that if you take one dollar (or charge your phone in someone else’s outlet), you’re a thief. But if you take a billion dollars, you get a promotion and a seven-figure bonus.
God damn, America!
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