Moral Low Ground

US Government

Hey Alabama “Illegal Aliens”… New Immigration Law Got You Down? Why Not Try San Francisco?

Ah, Alabama. A bumblefuck backwater of a state so pathetically behind the curve of modern civilization that its unofficial motto is “thank God there’s Mississippi” (sorry, Mississippi). A state where the newly-elected Republican governor, a Southern Baptist deacon named Robert Bentley, publicly proclaimed that “anybody who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior is not my brother.” A state where there are, in 2011, still 26 “dry” counties and where many towns have more churches than traffic lights. Alabama is God’s country, and God hates fags, socialists, Muslims, Yankees and Auburn football.

And, apparently, undocumented immigrants.

In case you haven’t heard, Governor Bentley has just signed into law the nation’s toughest anti-“illegal” immigration bill. HB 56 requires police to determine a person’s citizenship and immigration status during traffic stops, outlaws undocumented immigrants from receiving any state or local benefits, bans them from enrolling in public colleges, prohibits them from applying for jobs, forbids the harboring and/or transport of “illegals,” bans anyone from renting property to them or hiring them for any work, invalidates contracts to which an undocumented immigrant is a party, mandates citizenship checks for anyone registering to vote, requires public schools to determine the immigration status of all students and report “illegals” to the state government, criminalizes dealing in fake IDs, and redefines discrimination as the firing or declining to hire “legal” Alabamans when any “illegals” are employed.

HB 56, which Bentley readily and proudly admits is the toughest anti-“illegal” immigration bill in the nation, makes Arizona’s notorious SB 1070 look like a welcome mat for undocumented immigrants. But if  you “illegal aliens” really want to feel welcome, may I suggest packing up your belongings and heading to a planet you’ll be proud to call home.

I’m talking about San Francisco.

You see, the beautiful City by the Bay, like scores of enlightened communities around the nation, is officially a sanctuary city. Has been since 1989. What exactly does that mean? That city employees are prohibited by law from  helping Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) with immigration investigations or arrests. It means that no police officer will ever ask you for your papers or inquire about your immigration status. It even means that city officials won’t share information on “illegals” with federal authorities and that law enforcement authorities will release “illegals” arrested for petty crimes from jail even if federal authorities request they be held for deportation hearings.

It also means you are entitled– you are welcome— to take advantage of all the wonderful services our city has to offer, regardless of your ability to pay. And this ain’t your average American city– we’ve got universal health care, universal pre-school, paid sick leave, a minimum wage approaching $10/hour and much, much more!

In other words, San Francisco is an undocumented immigrants’ paradise. Not only is it a haven for “illegals,” it’s damn near heaven. You are welcome here. Bienvenido. Maligayang pagdating. Chào mừng. 歡迎.

Yes, that includes you.

Not only is San Francisco a great place to be an “illegal” immigrant, it’s a fabulous place to live, period. We San Franciscans pride ourselves on our quality of life, our tolerance for others and our diversity. Whereever it is you hail from, you’ll find a vibrant community of your compatriots somewhere within the city limits. A walk in the Mission district, the Tenderloin or the Richmond can feel like a stroll through a city in El Salvador, Vietnam or China. Our cultural institutions are second-to-none. We’ve got no real winter to speak of, easy access to some of the most breathtaking beaches, mountains, forests and vineyards in the world, all the wonders of the San Francisco Bay and the 2010 World Champion San Francisco Giants.

We haven’t elected a Republican mayor since 1955.

And, perhaps most importantly, no one will ever call you an “illegal.” That’s why I always write “illegal” in quotes, because here in San Francisco, we firmly believe that no human being is illegal– ¡NINGÚN SER HUMANO ES ILEGAL!

The very mention of the word sanctuary city is enough to launch the rabidly reactionary, racist supporters of Alabama’s HB 56 into a spastic fit of frothing fury. And that’s great; it means we’re doing something right. And all the supposed ills that afflict our society as a result of the invasion of unwashed hordes from south of the border are glaringly absent here in San Francisco. Undocumented workers are not stealing all our jobs. They are not rampaging through the streets on a crime bender. They are not refusing to assimilate into our society.

They are an invaluable part of our society.

Just like the queers, the commies, the tree-huggers, the bull dykes, the atheists, the feminists, the Democrats, the Muslims, the hippies, the activists and all the other fine folks they love to hate down in Dixie. For when all is said and done, what Alabama’s rejection of “illegal” immigrants amounts to is a rejection of the growing diversity that is 21st century America. But where Alabama is scared silly of that diversity, we embrace it. That’s what any decent human being ought to do.

So, my undocumented brothers and sisters, if Alabama’s war on “illegals” has got you down, why not pack it in and GO WEST! The golden shores of the promised land await you with arms open wide… just be careful when driving through Arizona!

The gentle embrace of the Golden Gate awaits you with open arms, regardless of your immigration status! (Photo: Brett Wilkins)

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13 Comments

  1. LupE NopazJune 10, 2011 at 6:42 pmReply

    Never reward bad behavior unless you want more bad behavior. ~ Dr. Joy Brown

    • Brett WilkinsJune 10, 2011 at 6:47 pmReplyAuthor

      “Give me your tired, your poor,
      Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
      The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
      Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
      I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
      ~Emma Lazarus, New Colossus
      (engraved inside the Statue of Liberty)

  2. Betty FokkerJune 11, 2011 at 5:40 pmReply

    You know, GA has one of these dipshit laws too … and their crops are rotting on the ground from a lack of workforce. Good luck with your tobacco harvest, asshats in Alabama.

  3. LMAOJune 28, 2011 at 7:14 pmReply

    Bumblefuck you MF!

  4. Nick GJuly 11, 2011 at 3:29 pmReply

    maybe the harvests wouldn’t rot betty if white people got off their asses and worked the fields and/or if the companies hired them before illegals

  5. BobbiSeptember 20, 2011 at 10:47 amReply

    President Eisenhower had the right answer. “Operation Wetback” and it worked. After WWII men coming back couldn’t find work and the economy was bad but after clearing out the country of illegals by President Eisenhower the U.S. recovered showing what that the problem has always been illegals sucking us dry. LOOK IT UP BEFORE YOU YELL RACISM. NO RACISM … JUST FACTS>>>>>

    • Brett WilkinsSeptember 20, 2011 at 11:46 amReplyAuthor

      Yes, let’s turn back the clock to the 1950s, when blacks in the South couldn’t vote or use the same schools, buses, hotels or even bathrooms as white people. And when women, gays and others had little or no rights. When will people like you understand that we’re all on this earth together and that there is no such thing as an “illegal” human being? I am so glad I live in a place where “illegals” can live freely without fear and are entitled to use all the city services that I and all the other taxpayers happily provide for them. Enlightened thinking: maybe it’s the reason why we are the world capital of innovation and Alabama is a stagnating, backwards laughing stock.

      • JeremyOctober 2, 2011 at 10:17 pmReply

        Why is it that you liberals all paint with such a broad brush? Because the south had problems at one time nothing good could come from that era? Because the vast majority of american taxpayers are tired of watching our once proud country being dragged to its knees by ILLEGAL immigrants who do not contribute to this country by paying taxes, but still somehow feel they deserve a free ride on my back, surely must mean continued racism in the south? Sure, they serve a purpose but it is far outweighed by the burden they put on the taxpayers. I am proud to be from Alabama and be an African American, and am very proud of what we fought for and achieved here in the 50’s and 60’s. We have overcome so much but can not put those sad times behind us because of simple minded statements like your own. This country needs to move forward not back. Dont mix all the problems we all overcame the past with the problems of now just to make your point seem more valid. Try to maintain an open mind and think of yourself as more of an American than just an Sanfranciscoan(sp.}.

        • Brett WilkinsOctober 3, 2011 at 7:17 amReplyAuthor

          I can speak about Alabama because I lived there… in Ft. Payne, DeKalb County. And I believe it is you who are making simple-minded statements regarding “illegals.” It has been proven time and again that they do not drain but rather contribute to our society, to the tune of many billions of dollars per year. They get no “free ride.” This is not Sweden. People who immigrate to this country bust their asses to try to make better lives for themselves and their families. How many “illegals” do you know? Do you know their stories, their hopes, their dreams, why they came here? I suggest you stop “painting with a broad brush” and start educating yourself so you can argue with raw facts instead of raw emotions.

          • JeremyOctober 3, 2011 at 7:01 pm

            Until about three years ago I worked at a lumber mill that aside from the older hands, hired only illegal immigrants. I tried to get several of my friends jobs who I knew would work and needed it. They were all turned away and told “were not hiring”, but strangely enough every few days they would bring in a new wave of illegals. I seen this with my own eyes. Why were they doing this? Simply because the immigrants would work for half the pay,refused to join the union, required no medical insurance because of this FREE RIDE they recieve from the government, and because the money hungry employers get tax breaks for hiring them. Everyone was forced to work at the lower wages the illegals were happy to get and send back to Mexico because they paid no taxes on that income. If anyone ecomplained about the loss of pay or benifits they were told if they didnt want the job to move on because they had plenty of illegals happy to get the job. In short, what little the working class has strived for for years was cut from under them because people like you think we should help these people who are breaking the law by being here. Dont get me wrong, I had several of them as friends and they were great people. God help anyone that wants to do better for themselves. I just dont want them to break my back in the process. And whats worse is when an american would complain, these illegals would laugh and talk about how lazy American people are. American people are not lazy, we just want to be treated fairly and recieve fair wages for a days work. I know these people were illegal because they would tell anyone who asked, and laughed about naive people like you who would see to it that they were treated like something they were not. Citizens. Secondly I know because 98 percent of them are gone now. Two of my friends are now employed there and work every day. You can scream this is injustice all you want, but I have been ther and seen it myself. Finally the real Americans are having some say.

          • Brett WilkinsOctober 3, 2011 at 8:09 pmAuthor

            I’m glad you have a job.

  6. sunilOctober 31, 2011 at 8:35 amReply

    Obviously the writer of this article is NOT a liberal, although he pretends to be one. Read inbetween the lines here, he protects Islam, the most FAR RIGHT ultra conservative movement on the face of the earth — all while pretending to be a liberal.

    Oh, and by the way, do you see how he doesn’t write ANYTHING about how we should be giving all illegal immigrants United States citizenship? Of course he doesn’t write that! Why? Because he WANTS TWO SOCIETIES in this country – the US Citizens and the hordes of CHEAP LABOR without paperwork that you can torcher and pay pennies an hour. Hey Mr. Author, maybe we can bring back the 1/5 rule that stated every 5 slaves equal one citizen when it comes to the census? Hm…

    And apparently, the people in the villages of Vietnam, who don’t even know the Earth is round, are more intelligent than the people of Alabama, which of course are Europeans themselves. ALL White people on this continent are from Europe, including the Whites in Alabama. How about that!

    • Brett WilkinsOctober 31, 2011 at 10:55 amReplyAuthor

      Where do you see anything about “protecting Islam” in my post?

      You don’t see me writing anything about “giving all illegal immigrants U.S. citizenship” because I do not see citizenship when I see people. There is no such thing as an illegal human being, and I see all human beings as equal.

      As for your “hordes of cheap labor without paperwork that you can torture and pay pennies an hour,” have you completely lost your mind? This is a progressive, pro-labor, anti-torture website. If you’ve any doubts, please see the “War Crimes and Atrocities” category, under which are literally dozens of posts condemning U.S. and other torture.

      And I believe you were referring to the 3/5 Compromise, under which slaves counted as three-fifths of a white person.

      Your history is as shoddy as your logic.

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