Moral Low Ground

Our Earth

Atheists Offer to Adopt Christians’ Pets After May 21 “Judgment Day”– For a Price

In case you haven’t heard or seen the billboards around town, the world is coming to an end this Saturday. Harold Camping of the Family Radio broadcast network, with 150 radio stations across America, claims to have “infallible, absolute proof” that the Apocalypse will commence on May 21. That’s when the righteous believers in Christ will be whisked up to sweet Jesus in heaven while the rest of us lost souls will endure hell on earth– literally– until god turns out the lights on the entire universe six months later. It’s all been foretold in the Book of Revelation, that fire-and-brimstone final chapter of the Good Book.

The prospect of the end times raises some rather serious conundrums, mostly for those of us left behind. But even for those lucky few who’ve got Rapture dates with the Almighty, there are some rather troubling earthly dilemmas that need to be resolved, and right quick. For example, the Bible clearly tells us that animals don’t go to heaven. So what’s to become of believers’ beloved pets?

Dogs don't go to heaven… (Photo: Brett Wilkins)

Fortunately, one clever entrepreneur has come up with a solution. For the paltry sum of $135, the atheists at Eternal Earth-Bound Pets will rescue and care for your animal companions after you depart this doomed world. Founded by Bart Centre of New Hampshire, who told the Los Angeles Times that he just “wants to make a buck,” Eternal Earth-Bound Pets already counts 259 clients.

“I saw dollar signs, because no one has more pets per capita and more rapture-believing Christians than the good old USA,” he said.

After Judgment Day, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets “will notify all our rescuers to go into action and they will drive to the homes of anyone who’s signed a contract with us, pick up their pets and take them home and adopt them as their own, keeping them happy and healthy for the rest of their lives.”

Which, according to Camping’s biblical prediction, won’t be too far off since god will smite us all just before the World Series this fall.


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